Oct 9

Learning to Breathe Again

It always amazes me how rushed I make myself feel. Working, cleaning, teaching, cooking, learning, exercising - when really it's all meant to soak in, permeate, breathe within us, become a part of us. Instead, I let it drain me, negate me, exhaust me. Where do I wind up when I actually do have a moment for myself? On the couch, laying down, watching Criminal Minds or old movies or some other fav series. And then I think about what my beautiful Aunt Jeannie (95 and still going strong) told me not long ago, "Darlene, you've got a lot of living to do!" Well. She is right! So,

I finally got off my rump and took the last two days to walk and reignite with nature. I got dressed, laced up my sneakers and headed to the park.

I used to try to make the 2 mile loop in a half hour, watching others speed walk, some taking long, beautiful steps, others short and fast, but I said to myself, why? Why rush it? There's so much beauty here to take in. So much air to breathe. So many sounds to hear. The birds chirping, the ducks quacking, the sound of wheels as moms stroll babies and the whiz of bike spokes behind me as they ready to pass. I could hear the steps of others, the wind, the sun, the breeze, the distant train approaching and the ripples of the lake from the gentle breeze blowing over it. This stuff feeds my soul! So why is it that I disconnect so much?

After being a single mom/mom for so many years, I really have to teach myself to breathe again. Now, I say this as a single mom, but I believe all moms/parents experience the madness - school, daycare, aftercare, recitals, plays, school supplies, new clothes, girlscouts, boyscouts, sports, dance lessons, camps, braces, dentists, doctors, then comes cars, trying to find their own place to live, college, etc, etc, etc. There just seems no time to breathe. But breathe we must! We must learn to embrace ourselves and take those moments to just sit and be still and breathe the air, hear the sounds, inhale life instead of rushing through it.